So, says you, have you gotten the latest email asking all those sweet Christmas questions?
Indeed I have. Many times. Many many times. Enough that it reminds me of snowflakes scattering into my email and forming a formidable drift of saccharine delight. I’ve seen it propagating throughout the web too: the Christmas Meme intent on becoming the blogosphere’s “Song that Never Ends.”
I suppose, barring ownership of a Zamboni equipped with a flame-thrower, the only way to melt the drift is to wade my way through and answer. So, here ’tis.
Christmas Questionnaire Answers
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Neither, actually. Cheese boxes don’t lend themselves to fancy duds, especially when they are being sent hither and yon.
2. Real tree or artificial? Vinyl. I’m considering a paper tree for next year.
3. When do you put up the tree? When we have a thaw that let’s us pound the stakes into the ground.
4. When do you take the tree down? Around June 1st, when it’s warm enough to crowbar the tree stakes back out of the frozen tundra.
5. Do you like eggnog? Is this a trick question? No! Especially not when it’s been made by taking a raw egg, tossing it into a glass and then smushing in frozen Tom and Jerry mix.
6. Do you have a nativity scene? Duh! It’s Christmas. What were you expecting, a shadowbox of Santa Claus tubing behind a Holstein?
7. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail, with hopes of having them actually in the post by Valentine’s Day, more or less.
8. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Why would anything that was given as a gift ever get rated as “best” to “worst” by anyone?
*shakes head at state of the world*
9. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Good heavens, no! Is this one of those questions from the eco-intelligentsia popping up again?
10. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Cheesecake. Not that gelatin-filled imitation stuff that gets passed off on unsuspecting innocents. Real cheesecake, topped with Sibby’s vanilla ice cream and home-made whipped cream. Or, as we call it, the “triple coronary by-pass delight.”
11. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Colored, small, and in jewel tones. And no flashing lights, thank you kindly.
12. Can you name all of Santa’s Reindeers? Certainly. And I always remember to include Adolph the Antelope in my list, as he had a very special characteristic that made him Santa’s backup light. Thank you, Mathguy, my beloved, for making sure that little ditty would haunt me throughout my life.
13. Angel on the tree top or a star? This is another one of those trick questions, right? A star, of course! I seem to recall every instance of angels appearing in the Bible including falling flat on one’s face in sheer terror and awe at the sight. I’m not quite up to experiencing that every time I look at my tree.
14. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Advertisements. And Christmas memes, I might add.
15. What would you like for Christmas? A total body transplant, but that doesn’t seem to be in the offing. So, as Gracie Hart says, “I’ll take world peace.” That’s always good.