Here's an idea..., Musings, Politics and Culture
With Apologies to Kilmer
Ah, the UN and their programs. The latest is the “Billion Tree Campaign,” part of their “Plant for the Planet” initiative.
Instead of pledging to do our environmental duty, couldn’t we just buy trees with some of the stolen money from the UN’s “Oil for Food” program, the money that seems to have wandered far afield from its proper designation?
The Billion Tree Campaign is (I’m sure) well intentioned, but I heard about it from a source that sternly implied: This Is A Good Thing. “Painters and poets throughout the millennia have explored the aesthetic beauty of trees in great detail, and in the past few centuries, humans have become intimately aware of how trees form the foundation of many natural systems.”
Indeed. The noble tree.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m as green an elephant as they come. I’m quite fond of trees, admired many, been awed by some and spent numerous peaceful moments sitting beneath my favorite shady giants. This sort of banner waving eco-intelligentsia, however, makes me queasy. Trees are crops. Especially maple trees. Mmm-mmm-mmm - maple syrup. Which comes from the delightful hardwood sugar maples, not those weeds of the Acer species called silver maples. Those wicked black-hearted imitations of real trees are inclined to drop large portions of themselves on one’s fragile abode at any hint of wind.
But I digress.
Recently, I was instructed to hug a tree for half an hour, then write a little essay on what I learned from the experience. This was part of an exercise designed to ‘grow’ my awareness of environmental stewardship.
*insert hysterical laughter*
The only time I’ve come close to hugging a tree, or ever will, was in my college years, after imbibing a considerable amount of Yukon Jack followed by a chaser of greasy fries.
Now, that inspires an idea: how about a tree tax? For every bottle of booze or beer sold, apply a one-cent tree tax and use the collected revenue to buy and plant trees.
We’d reforest the world.
